Friday, November 9, 2012

The Death of A Dream

A Violin I borrowed last time I was trying to learn violin

You know how we all set New Years Resolutions?  Somewhere along the line those goals that we've set die...

It's usually unconcious, by February we forgot we even set those goals, or somehow we quietly justify why it's just not going to work this time...

Jess and I spent some recently, reviewing what has happened while we were here in Hawaii, and looking to the future.  Part of that for us was reviewing our Life Plan.  I need to write a post about this life plan soon.

I made a list of goals before I turn 30, I'm not sure exactly when I wrote them down, probably in my early twenties.  I remember three of them, and they kind of hang over my head.  Along with everyones goal of weighing less, another one was to record a full length album.  I don't think it had to be a super profesional album, but it was just a goal to write and record some music.  The other goal, learn another language fluently.  The last goal that I just remembered was to learn to play violin.  

The problem is 20 year old Jim Baker, didn't know anything about almost 30 year old Jim Baker.  (I'll be 28 on Thanksgiving, so I have two years to meet these goals, which is totally do-able, it will just take a concerted amount of effort and focus)  

When I was 20, music was my life, I was in a band, I was pursuing my, at the time, life dream to be a Christian rockstar.  8 years later, I've sold all of my music equipment, and play a guitar that was given to me, only when I'm leading worship.  

IF I'm going to pursue these things, I need to start taking TANGIBLE steps in that direction.  Implementing TIME in my schedule to study a language, and start writing some more music.  I on one hand get overwhelmed at trying to make more time for these things, but on the other hand I am having a hard time allowing these dreams to die.  I can't seem to take them off of my list of goals without feeling a tinge of guilt...  

Engage:  What are some of your life goals? Are you taking steps in that direction?  Let us know in the comments.  


  1. I've officially lost my list, I think. There's a chance it might be buried in the back of a journal, but I haven't looked for it in a while.  Like you said, 20 year old me, didn't know anything about almost 30 year old me. I probably won't go looking for it any time soon. Trying to reconcile the two feels too daunting.

  2. I'm glad you understand what i'm talking about… :)

  3. This makes me think of some of our life goals and how the reality of our life has gotten in the way of them. Paul played guitar when he was a teen; he was also in a band, and then set it aside for 25 years. Then when we started a contemporary worship service at our church he picked it up again and became the lead guitarist in the worship band. He loved the guitar and played diligently every day. His favorite thing to do was to play hymns in a finger pick style. There is very little of this music available so he would have to do his own arrangements. Playing guitar was how he worshiped God and how he led others in worship. Then one day he suffered a very serious stroke and lost the use of his left hand. We still cannot find an answer for why God would allow this gift he had given to Paul to be taken from him.

    I have a dream of being a retreat speaker. I believed God was leading me in this direction when I enrolled in a Masters program in Spiritual Formation and Leadership. I still have this desire in my heart but am unable to fulfill it because I am Paul's caregiver.

    So why did God gives us these desires and gifts and then allow something to happen that prevents both of us from fulfilling these dreams. I don't know. But I do know that none of this catches God by surprise and he is in all of it. There is so much that does not make sense to us but God's presence is so real to us and we can see where he has gone before us, preparing for us and what we would need at this time. I believe that God is in the dreams and the desires and he is also in the pain and the grief. Some day it will all be clear to us but for now we must just trust.

  4. wow Jeanne, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. You raise some great questions, questions that I don't have an answer for either. I pray that God will do the miraculous for Paul, so he can worship Him through guitar again and that it can free you to do some retreat speaking. I need to plan a retreat so you can come and speak at it :) In the mean time you should start a blog. I really liked what you wrote. Thank you for taking the time to comment.

  5. I've actually been considering the same thing lately - I feel like the person that I am now really didn't come into being until I was probably 24 or 25. Certainly, my interests, goals and priorities have changed considerably even over just the past 5 years.  I think if you're still passionate about your goals that you set, you should gear up and do them.  If you aren't interested in them anymore, there's no sense in chasing them; in that case, go after the things that are on your heart now.  

  6. i agree, isn't it funny how we think we know ourselves when we're 18… I feel like I've learned SO MUCH about myself just this year. I'm not super interested in any of those goals I set back then but… I still feel guilty about giving up on them… weird huh?


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...